alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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