I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
