he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize