i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
