It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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