he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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