I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
