I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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