so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
