I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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