i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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