The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
