i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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