You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
