Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
