garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
