well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
