let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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