Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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