I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
