Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I AM VODKA MAN
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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