is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
