Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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