Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
