just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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