even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
