he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
fuck your aforementioned shoe
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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