I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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