Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
