Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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