Your dad touched me again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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