I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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