dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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