Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
