hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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