It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
