He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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