So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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