i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
