I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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