I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
