i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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