so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Two words: nipple clamps
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