You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
