I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
