Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
