if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
