The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize