Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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