Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
