I love having hate sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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