Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
