I will die if light touches me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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