mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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