I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
