dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
