Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
