omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
