We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love having hate sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
