My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
