I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
