I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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