i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Less talking, more tequila
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
