I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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