As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
