Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
